4 Smart Tips To Start A Conversation With Anyone

Human beings are social animals, which is why the need to interact and engage in interpersonal communication is innate. A lot of people tend to move into a space of feeling uncomfortable at the thought of talking face-to-face with someone. It won’t be completely wrong to say that technological advancements have brought this feeling to fruition. Social media, the pandemic, and the ease of commenting on something combined have created a comforting space for us to speak to ourselves rather than the people around us.

Let us understand why speaking to those around us and those we meet is important and tips to be able to speak to someone in case there is difficulty in doing so sometimes.

Does the thought of having “small talk’ make you uncomfortable? It wouldn't be wrong to feel that. Prof. Matthias Mehl, University of Arizona, conducted a study titled “Eavesdropping on Happiness: Well-being is Related to Having Less Small Talk and More Substantive Conversations” in 2010 that suggested that too much small talk can have an adverse effect on our well-being. Scary, right?

What he did discover through his research was that although small talk isn't as effective, substantive conversations are. We as humans need to interact with each other at a deeper level. Let me explain this with an experience I have had in my life.

Conversations As Catalysts

A couple of years ago, my job required me to attend a certification course for becoming a soft skills trainer. During my time attending that course, I met someone who is now a good friend of mine. We had break-out rooms where we got the chance to discuss different aspects related to the training. At the time, because I started getting used to not having to interact with people, I was pretty confident. Even when making a mistake, I would tell myself that it was okay since I wasn’t going to see any of those people again.

Once the training was over, a few days had passed, and I got a text from this person, saying – “Hey, I would love to talk to you and learn more about how you got here.” My first thought was, isn't this strange? Why would someone want to talk about something so random, I didn’t even know this person. But, something within me said – “let’s see where this goes”. So I texted this person back asking when they wanted to talk. We spoke over the phone a few days hence and spent a couple of hours talking about the different challenges we have faced in our respective fields, what made us choose to go down that road, and what were some of the turning points we have had up until now in our professional and personal life.

I remember asking them this question – “What made you want to call and speak to me about all of this?”. I was in awe of my friend’s response as they said – “I just like to hear people’s stories”. One conversation can lead to so much.

Conversations Help Create Bonds

Why Are Conversations Important?

At some point or the other, we all find ourselves in situations where we need to interact with different people, known or unknown. Talking to people can do a lot for us:-

• Open up our minds to new possibilities, ideas, and perspectives.
• If there is a challenge you are going through, a comment from someone can work as a catalyst to spark an idea to solve it.
• Conversations help create bonds.
• Release tension or pressure you may feel within.
• May even take you out of a state of mind that is uncomfortable.
• Conversations pave the way to building trust.
• Conversations aid professional networking.
• They can help bring about new opportunities for your career.

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Tips To Initiate Conversations

There are many situations that you may be faced with; some may have a specific purpose, like a job interview, university interview, or a discussion with your peers, supervisors, and teachers. Other situations include meeting someone at a party, or meeting someone through a friend. There could be many more situations, but most of the time, in almost every situation, there are ways to break the ice and start a conversation.

Find Common Ground

We are all human beings and that makes us already have one thing in common with everyone else. We all go through different journeys with our own ideas and beliefs. Depending on the situation in which you are meeting someone, there will always be at least one thing you can relate to. Find that common ground and use it to start a conversation. It takes one person to muster up the courage and ease into a dialogue. For instance, you meet somebody who could be a promising professional associate at a common friend’s party. Maybe you could begin a conversation with – “How do you know them (referring to the common friend)?”

Start Small

Don’t worry if approaching new people intimidates you. Allow yourself to move away from the pressure of engaging others, take small steps and allow space for the conversation to take a direction if at all it has to take any.

If you want to talk to someone at school, college, or work, take a moment to think of what they have done and what you can talk to them about. It can simply be giving a compliment. As with anything, you need to practise before it becomes easier. Make a conscious effort to move out of your comfort zone, even if it is for two minutes, and then keep building on that. For instance, you could begin a conversation with the head of events at your office with – “ The way the place has been decorated looks really nice.”

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Make An Observation

Paying attention to the surroundings and people helps. If nothing is coming to your mind, an easy way to start a conversation is to make an observation about anything that is happening in the environment or about something that someone said. An example of this is – “The way this concept was explained made it so easy to understand, what do you think?”

The other thing you can add to this is to make an observation and talk about how it left an impact on you – once this is done, ask the other person how they felt as well. This keeps them engaged and is definitely much better than ‘small talk’.

When You Talk To Someone, It Is A Two-Way Communication

Ask Open-Ended Questions

When you are trying to engage in a conversation, it is vital to ask open-ended questions. This helps you understand where the other person is coming from and shows them that you are listening and that you value their opinion. For instance, while trying to get pally with a fellow classmate on the first day of college, you could begin by asking – “How do you find the college campus?” as opposed to asking – “Do you like the college campus”. The latter way of framing the question makes it close-ended, leaving less room for the other person to talk.

When you talk to someone, it is a two-way communication, and to make the most of it, both people should feel that they are adding value. It builds a relationship and opens up new possibilities and learning.

Having conversations with people around us can boost our mood, add value to our lives, and bring a sense of strength. While it may be difficult to start conversations, one can become better at it with more practice. We, as humans, have an intrinsic need to communicate with others, it’s built into our system. It takes a moment of courage to move out of that space to start a conversation with someone.

Firstly, if this is something that scares you, start small, don’t put pressure on yourself. Finding common ground helps to get the conversation started, it could be based on what's around you or if you have picked something up about the person that you can relate to. Making observations, complimenting people, and asking open-ended questions can take a conversation and move it from small talk to something of substance.

One conversation with someone has the potential to spark new ideas, breed innovation, cultivate support, and build relationships. It’s something everyone should have an experience of. So take your time, build this skill, and see where it leads.

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Ichha Bhan is a counselling psychologist and personal growth coach. She holds more than 5 years of hands-on experience in working with children and adolescents, helping them and their parents navigate shared emotions, and the challenges of growing up.